my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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