Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
