You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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