dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
