as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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