i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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