Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
