Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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