i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
