Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
