you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
