the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
