why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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