I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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