If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
