my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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