apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
