You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
