When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
