There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
