That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
