There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
