Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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