just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
