Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize