I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
