Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
