I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
