Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
