I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
