Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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