I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Non-Jews are for practice
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
