in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
