gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My ass is underappreciated
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
