when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
