I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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