Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
