Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
