Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
