her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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