that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
