Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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