What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
