were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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