Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
