Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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