someone get that fucking seahorse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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