At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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