Already got asked if we're dating
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
