I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
