Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to have your abortion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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