I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
