Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
