He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
