Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
