literally had 100 drinks last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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