This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
