I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
