I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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