Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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