It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
