honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
