franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
