just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize