is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
